Barriers to Entry
Barriers to Entry is the third episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 11 and the 228th episode overall. It aired on July 1, 2013. Characters Red Team *Grif *Simmons *Sarge *Donut (Mentioned Only) Blue Team *Tucker *Washington *Caboose *Epsilon (Flashback) Plot At Blue base, Wash has Tucker perform squats as part of physical training, which frustrates Tucker. Tucker questions why Caboose isn't training like he is, and Wash explains that Caboose is having an "off day". Wash then has Tucker run laps around the canyon and when Tucker back-talks, Wash increases his number of laps. At Red base, Sarge is continues to complain about the base's layout, but this time states that they should be focusing on the interior layout of the base. Sarge then further explains that he needs personal room to ponder his accomplishments and his "non-existent" failures, though Grif calls it Sarge's "Denial" room. In the end, Sarge decides to keep one half of the base to himself and leaves the other half to Grif and Simmons. Later on, Wash finds Caboose standing in front of a mirror, depressed because the latter misses Church. Wash tries to comfort Caboose, but Caboose goes for a walk by himself, still depressed, leaving Wash to ponder on what he's going to do with Caboose. Transcript Fade in to the canyon where Tucker is seen doing squats. Washington watches him. Tucker: '''Sixty! Sixty-One! Sixty-Two! Sixty-Three! Sixty-Four! Sixty-Five! Sixty-Six! Sixty-Seven! Sixty-Eight! Sixty-Nine... '''Washington: Tucker, you can't keep stopping on Sixty-Nine. Tucker: '''No! This time, my legs went out. '''Washington: (sighs) Come on. Tucker: Ohhoh, Holy Christ! I haven't been this sore since that bachelorette party on Bourbon Street. Washington: '''You want me to believe you banged an entire bachelorette party? '''Tucker: I want you to, but really the groom just showed up and cracked three of my ribs. Washington: '''That's what I thought. '''Tucker: '''Why do we have to train so much? We never had to do squats when Church was in charge. '''Washington: '''Exactly. I'd say you two have fallen out of shape, but generally in order to fall out of something you have to be in it first. '''Tucker: Hey, that's funny! You should try comedy Wash. Why make one person miserable, when you can work over an entire room? Washington: Alright! Time for sprints. Tucker: '''Fuck you! '''Washington: I want five laps around the canyon. Tucker: '''Die in a fire. '''Washington: ''Six'' laps, around the canyon! Tucker: Hey! Why isn't Caboose down here? Shouldn't you be making him do dumbbell rolls, or inverted push-ups or something? Washington: I think he's having one of his... off days. Tucker: Oh... Cut to the Red base interior. Sarge walks down a ramp and speaks to Grif and Simmons Sarge: '''Men! It has come to my attention that we have been approaching this base problem from the wrong direction. '''Simmons: What do you mean? Sarge: 'I ''mean we've been approaching it from the outside. What we should have been focusing on is the interior, the layout is all wrong. Upon reflection, I realized that a man of my military expertise, requires more private quarters, a place where I can reflect on my vast victories. And contemplate, on my non-existent failures. '''Grif: Is the place called denial? Sarge: 'Which is why I ordered Private Grif here to erect this new wall. ''Simmons looks around for a wall '''Simmons: '''Okay, I give up. '''Grif: The sandbags. Simmons: 'What?! That's the wall? ''Simmons and Grif approach a small pile of sandbags. 'Sarge: '''Grif! I asked you to give me a proper ''erection, not to stiff me! '''Simmons: So glad Donut's not here. Grif: '''Hey! It's not like I'm some expert carpenter or something. '''Simmons: '''This isn't even carpentry, this is stacking things in a straight line... poorly. '''Grif: Well, it's all I could find, so build a bridge and get over it! Simmons: '''Hey Grif, when I build a bridge, should I use a few sandbags, or you know, something fucking useful?! '''Sarge: Useful or not, I hereby declare that from this point forward, this side of the wall is to be reserved for my own personal use. Simmons: Wait wait wait, you get half of the base all to yourself? What about me and Grif? Sarge: 'Sorry Simmons, afraid I can't hear you from the next room. These walls are just too thick! ''Sarge backs up from the two. 'Simmons: '''But I- '''Sarge: '''Enjoy your new roommate! (''chuckles) Sarge leaves '''Grif: Ground rules, if there's a sock on the door, don't come in! Simmons: But we don't have socks, or a door. Grif: 'And I don't have an internet connection, but we've all gotta find some way to masturbate, now don't we? ''Cut to Caboose looking at a mirror. Wash approaches him from behind. '''Caboose: (depressed) Sigh. Groan. Oh, woe is me. Oh, I don't know what that even means. Washington: (awkwardly) Still standing in the corner, Caboose? Caboose: Oh yeah, Yeah, I just... yeah, I just miss Church sometimes. Washington: I know you do, buddy. He was your leader for a very long time. (walks closer to Caboose) Caboose: Yeah, I am just...I, I'm just so lost without him! I... I don't even recognize my own face! Washington: (awkwardly) Well, you don't have your old helmet anymore, Caboose. Also, your helmet and face are not the same thing. Caboose: Oh, god, that explains the blinking contest. (walks towards the ledge, sounding distraught) Why'd ya have to tell me that? Aghh, you just made it worse. Washington: (walks over to Caboose's side) Look, Caboose. I'm sure that somewhere out there, Church is thinking about how much he misses you too. Caboose: (sounding hopeful) You really think so? Cut to a flashback of Caboose, Epsilon, and Washington. Caboose speaks loudly over Church. Epsilon: Shut up. Just shut your mouth. ...Shut up. Shut up. CABOOSE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT THE FU-! Caboose: (indistinct rambling) WE'LL GO ON ADVENTURES TOGETHER, WHILE WE RIDE BIKES AND SOLVE CRIMES! AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GO TO THE FAIR AND THEN WE'RE GONNA DRESS UP! AND THEN WE'RE GONNA FINGERPAINT-! Cut back to the present. Washington: (unsure) Yeah. ...Why don't you go for a walk? Take a little time to clear your head. Caboose: Yeah. Yeah, I just... yeah, I'll go on a walk by myself, I guess. (starts walking away) That won't be depressing at all. (off-screen) Ohh. Oh god. I'm walking by myself now. Ohhhhhh. Ohhhhhh. Washington: (sighs) What am I going to do with him? (spots Tucker outside walking at slow pace) I said sprints, Private Tucker! Tucker: (while running away) I'm going to spit in your next meal! And it's not going to be spit, if you know what I'm talking about! Trivia *This episode reveals that Donut is not present with the rest of the Reds and Blues. *This is Epsilon's only appearance throughout the entirety of season 11. *Tucker's final line in the episode, "I'm going to spit in your next meal...", may be a possible reference to a similar line by Sarge in Red Gets a Delivery. Video Category:Episodes Category:Season 11